Obscure Celebrity Crush of the Week: Iain Glen

Today we salute 2011's hardest working character actor, Iain Glen.

With Sean Connery's syrupy Scottish voice and Sting-at-4am's wiry good looks, Iain Glen has brought gravity, charm, and minor douche-baggery to Downton Abbey and Game of Thrones.

Exhibit A: Sir Richard Carlisle

Newspapa man!

Exhibit B: Ser Jorah Mormont

Horseback and chivalry. Like a B.A.

Somebody's typecast as a *"Sir"! even though imdb lists over 60 credits prior to Downton Abbey but nobody really cares about that.  He's had the British equivalent to a steadily working American actor's career, with spots on Law and Order: UK and a couple of Resident Evils.

*or "Ser" for our Medieaval neards out there

He's managed to work hard, look good, AND overcome the hardship of having an extraneous "I" in his name. What can't the man do.

A Scottish Brando for the next generation.

But back to Downton Abbey and Game of Thrones which is all I and everyone else in the world wants to talk about.  Minor spoilers within.  It was during Downton Abbey that I realized I recognized him from Game of Thrones, which was an UTTER DEVASTATION.  He's just so... dashing, and tough, and kind, and everything I want off the cover of a Harlequin romance novel in Game of Thrones, and in Downton Abbey he's just so... "I've obviously had Shakespeare training."  Not to knock my dear sweet Gleny, because this clearly shows his versatility (he can act with a beard AND WITHOUT A BEARD!), but come on.  Am I going to go for the hunky horseman who's surrounded by a bunch of topless men (ok and women) of Ser Jorah or the Hearst-like stoicism of Sir Richard?  I'd rather be Daenerys than Mary ANY day.  Except for wardrobe.  Then I'd definitely go Mary.

The dress! The man candy!

But the rogue power! The hot/uncomfortable sexy times!

Obscure Celebrity of the Week: Richard Ayoade

Do you like how that whole "...of the Week" thing is becoming more "...of the biannual"? Yeah, I thought so. You seemed like someone who would like that.

Anyways, this year's Obscure Celebrity Crush of the Week is everyone's favorite British TV actor of Norwegian-Nigerian descent Richard Ayoade! And we thought the only good thing coming out of Britain right now was Susan Boyle. Apparently they have TV channels! A whole four of them! I first learned of M. Ayoade's beautifully obscure celebrity from the TV show "The I.T. Crowd" - produced by the same guy as the British "Office" (though the show has more of the same tone as "Black Books" which shares the director and writer with "The I.T. Crowd." "Black Books" which also features obscure celebrity crush Irish comedian Dylan Moran - longest parenthetical run-on ever!)As geeky dreamhunk Maurice Moss on "The I.T. Crowd," Richard Ayoade manages to make every line he says absolutely hysterical. His delivery is amazing; what can only be described as a slightly annoyed 12-year-old boy mixed with an old British man with pipe and sock garters is a perfect combination for manchild Moss. And, he does all this while rocking a neo-Frederick Douglas hairstyle! This man may be the coming of the messiah.

From my very reliable wiki-research it would appear he got his start working on the show "Garth Marenghi's Darkplace" - which as a huge anglophile-nerdpants I've known about for a while but didn't actually watch until recently. The parody of an '80s Stephen King-style horror/literature show is dead on, complete with eerily realistic intentional bad editing and acting. His character of producer-gone-actor Dean Learner is lifechanging, from his straightforward and somewhat cocky delivery as the producer to his totally uncomfortable and shifty-eyed acting attempts as the actor.

It's no surprise that he's also friends with "The Mighty Boosh" guys (but then again, who isn't?). It would appear that all the actors on cult British TV shows like got a pint together at university and cast each other in hilarious cameos all the time. Like Noel Fielding's kind of amazing portrayal of office goth Richmond on "The I.T. Crowd." But self proclaimed "gothic detective" Noel Fielding will have to wait for another post since he is MAYBE NOT OBSCURE ENOUGH. Richard Ayoade's small roll in "The Mighty Boosh" as an irritated soothsayer named Saboo is what it's about.

Richard? Are you wearing eyeliner? What are you trying to do to me.

In my post-holidays haze/coma I'm thrilled to have a new obscure celebrity to impart to all of you. And a multi-talented one, at that! In addition to acting and acting as producers, he directs music videos (that naturally feature actors from cult British TV shows) and just came out with a concert film of the Arctic Monkeys (who apparently had in England more than just the one big hit they had here). He's in the process of directing his first feature-length film as well. I see nothing but good stuff coming his way.

Rawr.

Obscure Celebrity Crush of the Week!: omg Mads Mikkelsen

He pierces your soul with his eyes...
then pierces your eyes with his cheekbones.
Where oh where to begin with our Danish superhunk? You might recall him as the bad guy in Casino Royale who made using an inhaler, crying blood, and hitting Daniel Craig's 'nads oh so sexy. Or you may remember his tryst as Tristan in Arthur (see: our pre-written genius). We here at Hotter as a Faun have taken it on as our personal quest to view every Mads movie, regardless of silly little things like "region" or "in pre-production." Let's begin with some favorites:

Clearly we need to start where he plays gay, the mark of a truly hotter as a faun actor. In Shake it All About he plays someone who leaves his lover "for woman" (according to the aptly translated synopsis). Watching the trailer for this without subtitles is probably the best way to enjoy this film. Even if it is in Pastry. Note Mads in a closet and Gay Danish Stereotype with Cucumber.

Then we have a short called Nu which looks nu-mazing. I went there. The imdb plot summary by Anonymous appears to adequately sum it up.

A man and a woman meet in 1960. They marry because that's what you are supposed to do. But something goes wrong on their wedding night. They have no idea what to do with each other. Sexually. Emotionally. The husband meets a man who knows what to do with his sexuality. Suddenly a hand can do something no hand has done before and lips something no lips have ever done. The two men have a secret love affair. But there is a problem: The woman. And she has something up her sleeve. Will she act? Yes, she will. What happens? Nobody knows. Until now (imdb.com,Anonymous).

See what I mean? Mads' acting changes lives. And if there's one thing we truly appreciate about Euro-actors, it's their readiness to disrobe. Though he may only be in a collective ten minutes of Torremolinos 73 (or maybe we should say thirty minutes since we here at Hotter as a Faun watched his scenes a few times), he owns this movie.

Things that are awesome: screencaps.

Taking place in the awesomely trashy '70s of Spain, he not only braves speaking Spanish and going blond, he is also naked and doing the dirty for much of his screentime. And doing the dirty on one leg, no less! Also, he wears a cape. While playing Death. Did I mention you see some peen?*

And let us not forget Pusher, the Danish drug-epic which is only worth sitting through to watch the Bollywood revisioning of it. Here, Mads is pretty nuts, pretty tattooed, and pretty bald (with RESPEKT tattooed into it of course). He becomes the feature of the sequel, Pusher II: With Blood on My Hands, in which he's pretty naked. We hear he's not in much of Pusher III: I'm the Angel of Death, which is good, because we've already seen him play Death.

Then we have our favorites, the Anders Thomas Jensen duo we'll call it. In Flickering Lights he's at the top of his game as the paisley wife beater-wearing, chain-smoking, car-shooting hot head Arne. Here his hair is long and greasey (for those of you keeping a running tab on his impressive range of hairstyles, mimicking his impressive range of acting choices). The things he can do with a spatula in this film will make you re-evaluate your entire life. In Green Butchers, his hair is almost as bad as in the Pusher series, and by bad, I mean really hot, because obviously shaved receeding hairlines are really hot. Both of these films featured Future Obscure Danish Celebrity Crush Nikolaj Lie Kaas, who in Green Butchers plays not only a violent butcher but also his mentally handicapped twin who carries a toy giraffe. "Please don't point that giraffe at me!" Mads asks of him once. See, cute AND funny. Bring this boy home to your mother.

Have you seen After the Wedding? It was nominated for an Academy Award last year. It's totally a tear-jerker and I totally love it. Probably my favorite next to Flickering Lights. He's also strong and silent-like. And finally has his normal, H&M spokesmodel hair returned to him.

And though there are a handful of others we have yet to see (the University of Iowa campus library has really conveniently placed the Dogme film Open Hearts on course reserve. Like I'm gonna squeal over Mads' tastiness in a cubicle by myself) including Prag and Adam's Apples**, playing sexy and a priest, respectively. We did catch his bit in Wilbur (Wants to Kill Himself) in which he makes out with a girl named Sophie, fulfilling Hotter as a Faun's Sophie's life. Hotter as a Faun's Alisa isn't jealous at all. Really.

In conclusion, watch out for this Danish acting juggernaut. He's the kind of actor who is completely unpredicatble, and looks completely weird yet oddly attractive every step of the way. Besides, he was dancer before he was an actor. So Mads, why don't you dance right out of Daneland and right into my heart?

Executive Heartthrob. Looking this good was never so necessary.

*"Is that too much?" I just asked Sophie. She looked at me, laughed, and said, "No."

**If you know where to find either of these, seriously, hook an addicted sister up.

Obscure Celebrity Crush of the Week: MacKenzie Crook!

Now, usually when I talk about Obscure Celebrity Crush MacKenzie Crook, I refer to him as the one in Pirates of the Caribbean with the wooden eye, which usually induces some sort of disinterested, "Ah..." and then a run for the hills, which is ridden with more Hill People and less Obscure Celebrity Stalker People.

He was also on The Office*, turning Northern English into the sexiest of the British dialects. I also may or may not have sat through Pacino's Merchant of Venice for five minutes of him in a goofy moustache**.

My love for Obscure Celebrity Crush MacKenzie Crook spans far and wide. He plays the gangly schlamazel Pirates Uno, Dos, & Tres, the gangly schlamazel in The Brothers Grimm (a film which should be viewed for, and only for, Heath Ledger being the weirdest and craziest I've ever seen him), and also the gangly schlamazel in--

Well, just be the judge of it for yourself. Watch him in this wonderful short Ant Muzak. Because if there's one thing I love more than obscure celebrities, it's ADAM ANT.***

He's also played Billy Bibbit on stage in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest with Christian Slater as Jack Nicholson. MacKenzie, you know that's one of my favorite stories. Why don't you woo me with your lanky limbs and bulgy eyes some more, k thnx.

*The British one. Bitch please.

**May not.

***No, it's actually obscure celebrities in vague drag.

Obscure Celebrity Crush* of the week: Jewel Staite

Most of you, unless you know me personally, have never heard of Jewel Staite. She is most famous for her role on perhaps the geekiest Sci-Fi show ever, “Firefly.” While she does some great work as Kaylee Frye on that show, you have to dig deeper into her past to know why she holds a special place in my heart.

You probably would recognize her from her days on such children’s classic shows as her runs on “Are you Afraid of the Dark?” (she was the girl who was going to get trapped in the painting) or the Disney Channel classic of our time, “Flash Forward”. We all felt some sort of euphoric release when Becca and Tucker (an adorably awkward Ben Foster) finally shared that kiss. It wasn’t until her turn as Catalina on the short lived Nickelodeon show “Space Cases” (which, I’ve come to realize, is pretty much the same show as firefly only with younger people) that I really decided I was a true Jewel Staite fan.

I had gotten to that age where you it seems like a great idea to write a fan letter to every celebrity you like. While my letters to the Spice Girls and Zac Hanson have yet to be answered, a few celebrities have seen fit to send me some form letters back. I got a particularly cold response from Ann M. Martin, who I’ve heard gets sick of people telling her about how much the Babysitters Club affected their childhood.

In the midst of all this letter writing, my strong interest in astronomy as well as my love for her character’s rainbow hair prompted me to write Jewel Staite a fan letter. Imagine my little 12 year old surprise when she sent me a HAND-WRITTEN LETTER back. And not only did she personally answer all of my questions, she asked me to please write her back, which I did. Which led to another handwritten response! I got two hand-written letters from her! I don’t remember any of the details of these letters, but I still recall how excited I got when I received them.

Jewel’s career soon took off, with a guest starring role on “So Weird” on the Disney channel, playing the gothic girl on the ABC family drama “Higher Ground” and finally her well-known “Firefly” role. Hopefully she will continue to be “that one girl” in more shows in the future.

Unfortunately, I became a very busy 6^th grader, and let my writing to Jewel fall by the wayside. I still kick myself because I could have an ultra cool pen pal who goes to comic cons and stuff. She’s too big to be able to write me back now, but thanks to technology I can creepily check her Myspace blog to find out what she’s up to. Whenever she mentions her love for Donny Osmond or her longing to be the Little Mermaid, I know she is writing those entries just for me.

*Unfortunately, my crush on Jewel is a mere girl crush. I'm afraid boobs gross me out too much for it to be a full-blown crush. sorry!

Obscure Celebrity Crush of the Week!: Raul Julia

Alright, it's probably tasteless of me to usher in the new blog by objectifying the talented yet deceased Puerto Rican superhunk Raul Julia, but ever since the very funny TBS played The Addams Family Values, thus bringing me back to my childhood when I had some sort of eerie obsession with that cinematic gem, I realized just how hotter as a faun Mr. Julia could be. Ok, but without the faun. I mean, look at that! The one slightly bulging eye, the subtle debonair smile, the ability to grow impressive facial hair at a moment's notice.

I've slowly been working my way through the Iowa City Public Library's collection of Señor Raul's tantalizing film canon. Homie made a ton of movies! Seriously, who hasn't he played? Gomez, Othello, Selena. I still have quite a few of his films to work through, most direly Frankenstein Unbound and Street Fighter.

What can I say; he looks good in a tux.
But boy oh boy, I just rented the masterpiece One From the Heart --a Francis Ford Coppola picture that he made between Godfathers II and III*. I think of it as the '80s answer to Moulin Rouge, but with less quality and more of Teri Garr's boobs. It's fantastic; he plays the perpetually topless Garr's fantasy man, and Lainie Kazan as the totally against type Jewish best friend character has to keep over-compensating, saying things like, "Ooh, he's so gorgeous!" Clearly she got the memo too. As a Raulphile, this rates as not one of his better flicks, though he does both sing AND dance --a fate that has saved almost all of his movies**.

Cute!

Oh! And let me not forget Kiss of the Spider Woman. I can't believe it took a Raul Julia movie marathon to discover this movie, since I like to pride myself on having seen every film in the That's Rentertainment! queer cinema section. This movie is fantastic. It's super gay (namely, William Hurt, with his red hair, make up, and kimono), has a bearded Raulia, and discusses politics blah blah but no one really cares about that. They totally kiss. "Move over, you're squishing me!" Amazing.

I've officially sunk to a new low.

*a.k.a., a time when his career was still salvagable.

**Namely, Mack the Knife, the contemporary movie version of Brecht's Three Penny Opera starring an aged Richard Harris doing his best Sean Connery impression, a young hot Bill Nighy, and Roger Daltry, lead singer of the Who -who until this point I thought could do no wrong. I WAS WRONG.