the Awkwards part 2

or at least that's what i'm going to call the Oscars from now on. never before has an awards show made me so nervous. after Hugh Jackman's opening musical number, followed by a curtain mishap, i was ready to call it a night. really though, things proceeded pretty smoothly. i thought most of the speeches were great (Kate Winslet, Dustin Lance Black, Heath Ledger’s family, Sean Penn, the crazy French guy, everyone who won for Slumdog), and Ben Button didn't win best picture which was honestly all i cared about. here are a few more thoughts:

-- montages and musical numbers: stop. they're boring and so obviously filler it hurts like squirting liquid soap in your eye. the only montage everyone cares about is the tribute to all the artists who have died over the past year. and i get it, Hugh hosted the Tony's 3 times. but he also looked good taking his shirt off in the X-Men films. where were all the hairy chests Oscar, eh? (*i feel as though I need to put an addendum on here…i apologize to everyone who loved Hugh as a host. i hate musicals in all their shapes and forms (except Disney and Sweeny Todd), so i went into this with pessimistic expectations. this is a character flaw, i know.)

-- Steve Martin and Tina Fey need to have a love child right now. OMG can you picture the movie magic if they made a film where Steve gets impregnated by Tina’s child? HILARITY!!!

-- when did people stop wearing any color except grey, black and fuchsia? Angelina Jolie's earrings totally stood out amongst all the drab. although i totally disagree with what everyone says: why have people not yet grasped that Tilda Swinton can wear whatever the hell she damn pleases? A+ to Alicia Keys though. and PSH’s skull cap for making me giggle the entire night.

-- i’m pretty embarrassed it took me as long as it did to get the Ben Stiller/Joaquin Phoenix joke (half-way through the skit i was like “oooooooooooh, ok!). A+ to Natalie Portman for looking fabulous while being totally funny at the same time (normally she can’t multi-task). god, i can’t wait til 5 years from now when we can all look back on this and be like “remember that time when Joaquin went batshit crazy, and now he’s totally normal and has won 40 Oscars and is married to that Midwestern girl named Sophie.” er, yeah. me either.

-- i completely agree with everything Entertainment Weekly had to say about Jennifer Aniston as a presenter this year. shame on you, Oscar. this is supposed to be your classiest night, since when did you become a tabloid? we know we were all thinking the same thing when Aniston stepped onto that stage. you didn’t have to remind us.

-- suggestion for next year's Awkards: how about trying Will Smith out as a host? he was totally engaging as a presenter this year and could really bring life back to this show. plus, i'm hoping there's a pretty high chance he wouldn't sing.

but he might rap.

dammit.