Hotter as a Faun.: Obscure Celebrity Crush of the Week!: omg Mads Mikkelsen

He pierces your soul with his eyes...
then pierces your eyes with his cheekbones.

Where oh where to begin with our Danish superhunk? You might recall him as the bad guy in Casino Royale who made using an inhaler, crying blood, and hitting Daniel Craig's 'nads oh so sexy. Or you may remember his tryst as Tristan in Arthur (see: our pre-written genius). We here at Hotter as a Faun have taken it on as our personal quest to view every Mads movie, regardless of silly little things like "region" or "in pre-production." Let's begin with some favorites:

Clearly we need to start where he plays gay, the mark of a truly hotter as a faun actor. In Shake it All About he plays someone who leaves his lover "for woman" (according to the aptly translated synopsis). Watching the trailer for this without subtitles is probably the best way to enjoy this film. Even if it is in Pastry. Note Mads in a closet and Gay Danish Stereotype with Cucumber.

Then we have a short called Nu which looks nu-mazing. I went there. The imdb plot summary by Anonymous appears to adequately sum it up.

A man and a woman meet in 1960. They marry because that's what you are supposed to do. But something goes wrong on their wedding night. They have no idea what to do with each other. Sexually. Emotionally. The husband meets a man who knows what to do with his sexuality. Suddenly a hand can do something no hand has done before and lips something no lips have ever done. The two men have a secret love affair. But there is a problem: The woman. And she has something up her sleeve. Will she act? Yes, she will. What happens? Nobody knows. Until now (imdb.com,Anonymous).

See what I mean? Mads' acting changes lives. And if there's one thing we truly appreciate about Euro-actors, it's their readiness to disrobe. Though he may only be in a collective ten minutes of Torremolinos 73 (or maybe we should say thirty minutes since we here at Hotter as a Faun watched his scenes a few times), he owns this movie.

Things that are awesome: screencaps.

Taking place in the awesomely trashy '70s of Spain, he not only braves speaking Spanish and going blond, he is also naked and doing the dirty for much of his screentime. And doing the dirty on one leg, no less! Also, he wears a cape. While playing Death. Did I mention you see some peen?*

And let us not forget Pusher, the Danish drug-epic which is only worth sitting through to watch the Bollywood revisioning of it. Here, Mads is pretty nuts, pretty tattooed, and pretty bald (with RESPEKT tattooed into it of course). He becomes the feature of the sequel, Pusher II: With Blood on My Hands, in which he's pretty naked. We hear he's not in much of Pusher III: I'm the Angel of Death, which is good, because we've already seen him play Death.

Then we have our favorites, the Anders Thomas Jensen duo we'll call it. In Flickering Lights he's at the top of his game as the paisley wife beater-wearing, chain-smoking, car-shooting hot head Arne. Here his hair is long and greasey (for those of you keeping a running tab on his impressive range of hairstyles, mimicking his impressive range of acting choices). The things he can do with a spatula in this film will make you re-evaluate your entire life. In Green Butchers, his hair is almost as bad as in the Pusher series, and by bad, I mean really hot, because obviously shaved receeding hairlines are really hot. Both of these films featured Future Obscure Danish Celebrity Crush Nikolaj Lie Kaas, who in Green Butchers plays not only a violent butcher but also his mentally handicapped twin who carries a toy giraffe. "Please don't point that giraffe at me!" Mads asks of him once. See, cute AND funny. Bring this boy home to your mother.

Have you seen After the Wedding? It was nominated for an Academy Award last year. It's totally a tear-jerker and I totally love it. Probably my favorite next to Flickering Lights. He's also strong and silent-like. And finally has his normal, H&M spokesmodel hair returned to him.

And though there are a handful of others we have yet to see (the University of Iowa campus library has really conveniently placed the Dogme film Open Hearts on course reserve. Like I'm gonna squeal over Mads' tastiness in a cubicle by myself) including Prag and Adam's Apples**, playing sexy and a priest, respectively. We did catch his bit in Wilbur (Wants to Kill Himself) in which he makes out with a girl named Sophie, fulfilling Hotter as a Faun's Sophie's life. Hotter as a Faun's Alisa isn't jealous at all. Really.

In conclusion, watch out for this Danish acting juggernaut. He's the kind of actor who is completely unpredicatble, and looks completely weird yet oddly attractive every step of the way. Besides, he was dancer before he was an actor. So Mads, why don't you dance right out of Daneland and right into my heart?

Executive Heartthrob. Looking this good was never so necessary.