Before the Devil Knows You're Dead -- Of Boredom!

¡Bonjour friends of the Bloggerreich!

Now I rarely walk into a theatre knowing little about the film I’m going to see. The last (and only) time I can remember doing this, I saw Almost Famous. So ignorance was working out pretty well for me up until Thanksgiving break. Over break, my parents and I saw a little film called Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke, Marisa Tomei, and Albert Finney. My mom claimed that the critics were raving about this picture, so we wanted to know what all the fuss was about. And now we do. Boy, was THAT a mistake.

Here are a couple of things I found problematic with BTDKYD:

• Learn a little something from your peers’ mistakes…

A few weeks ago, my colleague Alisa and I chronicled our displeasure with the movie We Own the Night. BTDKYD and WOTN have virtually the same problem: they use sex in the opening of the film to hook the audience. I don’t know about anyone else, but I was horrified to find myself watching Phil Sea Hoff’s flab pummeling Marisa Tomei doggy style. No one wants to see that. Ever. It’s not entertaining, and it’s not funny. I get it; these are REAL characters. I don’t need to see them in the bedroom to believe it.

• Typecasting: when it works and when it FAILS

A of all, I want to say that I love Phil Sea Hoff. We know, and he knows that he’s phenomenal. But B, is anyone else tired of seeing him play the same character – the sly, snarky, sleaseball? Because when has he not? Almost Famous – yes. The Talented Mr. Ripley -- yes. Red Dragon – yes. Mission Impossible III – yes. Scent of a Woman – yes. I could probably go on. He plays this character very well, yet in this role I felt like something was lacking. He character was flawed, but he was also supposed to be damaged. I got all of the Hoff’s trademark nastiness without seeing the suffering that was supposed to be underneath. I left the movie wishing that someone else had taken that role. Christian Bale, perhaps? Maybe he’s a little redundant for Hotter as a Faun, but there’s one talented butt that we all really want to see.

Also, Amy Ryan was fantastic in Gone Baby Gone. Why did they hire her to play the same role in this film? It might be blasphemy, but why couldn't she and Marisa swap parts? I'm sure Amy's boobs are just as fantastic as Marisa's. They’re actors for Pete’s sake – maybe they should be challenged to do their jobs.

• A little movie called Momento

Hey guys, clever editing doesn't equal a good film. If you're struggling to make your movie artistic or feel like it needs that extra "umph", that probably means you've got bigger problems. The actors and the story should carry the movie, not that nauseatingly jarring editing.

• Addendum

I feel as if I'm being a little harsh, there were a few things BTDKYD did well. After all, despite its obvious comparisons, Devil is not We Suck the Night.

A) Motherfucking Ethan Hawke. He may have played a doughy-bodied divorcee with a demeanor that was just as soft and pliable, but Hawke rocked it. Best part of this proverbial train wreck.

B) As Comrade Alisa pointed out ever so sagely, the Hoff's character is gay. If you're going to subject yourself to this monstrosity, take note: remember that first sex scene I was raving about earlier? Well, he's giving it to Marisa Tomei in the butt. Unfortunately, this scene is still not hot. We at Hotter as a Faun give it our stamp of DISAPPROVAL.

Best,

So